So my dad and I looked at it for a while, pondering what to do. Well, my dad looked at it. I got blind spots, nausea and sweats, which was fun. I suggested that a bag of frozen peas might be in order but dad wasn't hungry. Ignore that last sentence. It was a blatant attempt to shoehorn a joke in. But I did suggest frozen peas. I ended up with a bag of ice cubes instead which did the trick. It did the trick if the trick was to make my toe hurt even more.

After a lot of dithering we decided that I ought to attempt to get upstairs. I managed that with hopping and bum-shuffling aplenty. There were two main reasons for getting upstairs: 1. Beds are upstairs and beds stop me from collapsing 2. Mum was upstairs and mums always know what to do with injuries, don't they? I explained how I'd stubbed my toe. Noticing the disturbing angle of my toe, my mum observed that perhaps a trip to casualty would be a very good idea. So off I hobbled to get dressed.

I was very careful with my toe (although putting trousers on was pretty darn painful) and was all set to go. I decided to text a couple of people to let them know where I was off to - after all, you don't get to go to casualty every day (unless you're a nurse or an actor). I turned to put the mobile phone back on my bed and that's when it happened. I stubbed my toe. There was even more pain than at the first stubbing and a cracking sound. I thought about what I could've stubbed my toe on that would have caused a sound like that. Well...firstly I clutched my foot, swore and rocked in the foetal position, then I thought about what I could've stubbed my toe on that would have caused a sound like that. I had it narrowed down to a chair, a guitar and an amplifier when I noticed that my toe had seen its way clear to sitting in a normal position. Hoorah! But ow ow ow ow ow ow.

So in an incident typical of me, I dislocated my toe by stubbing it and relocated it by stubbing it again. Embarrassingly I had to text people again to say "Erm...cancel that. It's alright now" which led to such comments as "well done you clumsy chimp"! Accurate.

Later that evening, I stubbed my toe for a third time. You may now laugh. Clumsy chimp indeed.

This morning my toe is purple, swollen (mmm, pretty) and in a very normal position. And I'm a hobbling, wincing drama queen and highly amused.

Completely henk.

last / next