Yesterday we hit our peak and viewed possibly the most ludicrously amusing film I've ever seen. It was also so hammy and shouty that it made Brian Blessed look subtle and understated. Excalibur, made in 1981, should be quite good going on the cast list - Nicol Williamson, Helen Mirren, Gabriel Byrne, Liam Neeson, Corin Redgrave, Cheri Lunghi, well maybe not Cheri Lunghi... - but it reached the land of SoBadItsGood. Merlin bellowed some guff about dragons ("Your lust will hold you up and you will float on the breath of the dragon") despite the fact that there were no dragons anywhere and said the word cinders in a bizarre way that is impossible to replicate in text. King Arthur was a country yokel with a mullet and Guenevere was Cheri Lunghi from the Kenco adverts. There was also a boy in golden armour (with breasts on the front - no comments about it being his breast plate, please) wandering around taunting Arthur about the Holy Grail. I mustn't forget to mention Merlin's pratfall into a stream. Less convincing than anything you've evr seen on You've Been Framed. And then there was Excalibur. Excalibur glowed, not unlike the sword of omens in Thundercats. This film dragged on and on like a Celine Dion song but it's worth watching once, you can get at least a month's worth of amusing quotes out of it!

"If you look directly into the eyes of the dragon, it will burn you to (high voice)CIN (low voice)DERRRRS!!"

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