A toast munching, coffee drinking marvel
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April 15, 2003
4:17 p.m.

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Tv has been lying to me for many years now but last night it was the last straw. For years in American films and tv programmes any cop has a responsibility (I think it's in the oath they take) to spend at least 50% of their time on duty buying coffee and doughnuts. We all know this. Thus it is implied that coffee and doughnuts go well together. It's not true! Having coffee with a doughnut makes the doughnut taste like cheese! This is a very bad thing. If I had wanted coffee and a cheese-flavoured thing, I would've had coffee and cheese (but definitely not artificial cheese because that tastes nothing like cheese. And don't get me started on cheesy wotsits...). I've learnt my lesson and I'll never trust tv again. Until the next time.

Soon I hope to be going to see a production of Oklahoma and in preparation I was singing my way through it. All very well until I reached the end bit of the title song. Normally I'm pretty good at spelling (I'm not being big headed here - I have the certificates from junior school to prove it) but when it comes to spelling Oklahoma in the middle of the song I just can't do it. I mostly end up with Oklamahoma (which wouldn't be a bad attempt if I was Homer Simpson) because I'm just not sure where to stop with the consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel pattern. (I have the same problem with Bananarama and French pineapples.) The closest I got was Oklahama. It's not as easy as they make it look you know. Suffice to say I won't be singing along on the night.

"We're doing fine Oklahoma, Oklahoma O.K.L.A.M.A.H.O.M.A"

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